Earth vs. Everybody

Earth vs. Everybody is a comedy novel written by The Simpsons writer John Swartzwelder. It is the fifth book in The Frank Burly series and follows Frank Burly as he adventures through the universe following a space alien named Buzzy.

Plot
Frank Burly, enjoying a rip-off vacation in Mexifo to save money, notices a large group of criminals heading towards a luxurious resort. Upon returning to Central City, the setting of most of the books, Burly goes to one of the criminals he saw, who tells him its a job benefit for working at a criminal organization. Burly is invited to join the organization, and is immediately assigned as bank robber number one. After failing to rob the bark, Burly is demoted to bark robber number two.

The cycle continues, and eventually Burly is demoted all the way to the bodyguard of the big boss, an electrical storm in a suit, Mr. Theramin, who everyone just calls Buzzy. Eventually Buzzy turns out to be an alien, and when word gets out, aliens from around the world come to collect Buzzy for his many crimes. Buzzy escapes with Burly, who pretends to be a bum to earn money, and they go to the nearest spaceport where Buzzy abandons him. Burly, desperate to get back to Earth, learns that his planet has been destroyed by the alien forces, and decides to make a new life as an alien.

He learns that he is so massive and large that he can scare people into giving him treasure on one planet and move onto the next to he will never be found, and does this until a galactic police officer finds him and chases him in an epic spaceship chase until Burly accelerates to the speed of light, causing him to time travel into the future and end up on a planet with a race of extremely intelligent brains in jars who just sit around and think all day long, and as they have done, year after year.